I just got home from a day at WDW with Emily, where I felt how much I missed Vitor’s company, energy, and conversations. I came home to him eager to hear if I had a good time and when I told him that I missed him, he shared that we also need to practice being apart from each other, which initially hurt me but now I’m so touched and moved by.
He told me that he was afraid or worried about how I’d be if he were to die and that he knows how mommy grieved forever for Alan and when…
V: I’m afraid or worried about how you’ll be without me if I die
K: you don’t think I’ll be okay without you?
V: no I know how your mom was with Alan and I don’t want that for you
K: but that’s me and how i feel and mourn fully. I know you want me to move on and be happy without you, so I’ll go date even if I don’t want to lol
My thoughts now… the truth is mommy mourned the life they didn’t get to have that they were waiting for and looking forward to AFTER us kids were taken care of. She always put us first. What I know is different already is that I feel full from the life we’ve already lived through together, and I’m so grateful for every memory and moment we shared. So when our story ends, I’ll have lots of sweet, beautiful creations and memories of our journey and will still mourn the loss of the future we planned together. And I’ve been through this training with him where he reminds me “how long do you need to be here for? When do you feel is enough to move on?” And I’ll give myself the time to mourn so that I can get the time to continue to live ❤️
oh mommy... 