At the gym with Vitor and when we looked in the mirror I asked him, “do you wanna take before and after pictures?” That reminded him of the 3 month challenge I paid for while in Brazil and he asked what happened to that. “I knew it” he replied smugly when I told him I didn’t win and I didn’t submit after pictures. He was judging the waste of $80 from the beginning and I got defensive. “It’s my money. I can do what I want with it. I’m going to make value of it. I took pictures of my body before which I would have never done if it wasn’t for that program. Whatever I don’t need to explain myself to you. I’m sure you’ve spent some money you didn’t put to good use…” (knowing fully what I was beginning to refer to but didn’t want to talk about it). “Like what?” he said leaning in smiling as if reading me. “I don’t know. You know better than I do…” and then it got quiet and my head went a million miles an hour. How much did he pay for a happy ending he wasn’t too happy about? How much did he pay for the 2 he got while I was away? Bet it was way more than what I paid for the 3 month fitness challenge. What an unsupportive perverted jerk to judge me on my fitness spending and then go pay hundreds of dollars on 2 fuckin dirty hand jobs. Ugh not proud of these thoughts but be to release.
Trying to chalk it up to each of our own “Personal Empowerment Expenses” to create space for non- judgement and personal freedom
oh mommy... 