Friday, January 21, 2022 10pm
Oh boy I’m exhausted from the emotional rollercoaster I rode today. I felt the tension building in an overwhelming way as Vitor got more excited about houses and numbers in a turned on way… I screamed in the car when i got to be alone, complained about being hangry, grumbled, slammed doors, and ate like a monster until I took a deep breath and he timidly asked if I felt better… I was feeling a little better but then we started talking more numbers and money that I had difficulty understanding. He grew frustrated trying to explain that 330K – 40K = 290K and I bursted into tears telling him that I feel like I’m trying to hard to study for these tests I keep failing. Somehow those tears, me stepping away for air, and coming back to him all emotional and exposed had me finally expressing that I missed him as a romantic partner. To which he replied, “where is this coming from? Just because we haven’t had sex from a week?” And I was hurt and flabbergasted and told him that’s not it all all and that I don’t even want sex, not the way he’s thinking. I want time and attention on me and house hunting to turn off for one night. He said it’s hard but he’ll try and has been so sweet and loving with me. When I told him that I get embarrassed and feel silly after sharing all my thoughts and feelings, he asked “How much longer do you think you’ll be doing that? Because I’m here for all of you and want you to share with me.” Ugh my heart ❤️ I know I’m blessed with this incredible man and want to continue celebrating each time I allow myself to have him witness and hold me.
oh mommy... 